She prepared the next morning, leaving her hair down. It felt so foreign to her, the long tendrils hanging on her exposed back that none could see. The dress almost sparkled. She felt that it looked wrong against her skin. But every color always did. She noted to herself that she was too pale for any color. She also noticed how her eyes did not shimmer like other girls. They were understated and almost blended into her face. But despite it all, she knew how Loki’s eyes would light up when he saw the dress.
She stepped outside of her room and down the long hallway. She looked at her father’s portrait for luck. She could still hear him calling to her. Despite all of his shortcomings, how loud and obnoxious she had found him when he was living, she missed him now. She longed for his sober wisdom that he had only given her a few times in his life. She missed all of the fighting he did with the family. She missed the small presents he brought her whenever he came back from war, all of the dolls, all of the knives. She wished she had spent more time with him in her life.
“You can’t be wearing that to see the Allfather!” She could hear my mother scoff behind her.
“And why is that?”
“Because green is not your color!” She touched her shoulder. She knew that she would be going with her yet again. She had gone with her since her father’s death.
“I don’t have a color. I’m too pale for every color.”
“I think a blue would be more suited for you. Or perhaps a red.”
“Mother I’m a warrior who just killed a large number of elves. I can choose what to wear.”
“I don’t suppose Loki had anything to do with this decision.”
“Even Loki cannot tell me what to wear mother.”
She walked briskly down the halls of the palace with her mother following quickly at her side. As her hair blew back she noted to herself that she should have braided it. They were welcomed into the great hall where Odin, as always, sat upon his throne. His sons stood down to the side and his wife sat by his side. She bowed alongside her mother, although her bow was still clumsy as ever. Loki smirked a bit as he saw her shakily get up. She noted the way his eyes sparked at the dress she was wearing.
“Lady Sigyn of Asgard. Once again you have faced battle with a stern and fearless brow. You have slain many elves, yet as always you know mercy. You deserve your rightful reward.”
“Allfather, I want for nothing. Your praise is more than enough.”
“Your humility is one of your most admirable traits Lady Sigyn. There is only one thing I think would be worthy of you. Would you, Lady Sigyn of Asgard, marry my son?” She looked at Loki. She smiled and looked into the Allfathers face, joy surging through her very being to her core. Loki was ready. So ready the anticipation could almost kill him. He had waited for this since they had turned fifteen years old.
“Of course I shall Allfather!” Odin smiled down at her. He waited anxiously
“Then we shall set a day when your engagement to Thor will end in marriage.”
“T-thor?” Her breath caught in her throat. She couldn’t breath. Thor smiled at her, his bright smile illuminating the room. But all she felt was coldness. Loki stood, shocked. Of course it was Thor. It was always Thor. Now Thor would even get the woman he loved.
“Mighty Allfather, I-”
“She graciously accepts my King,” her mother stepped forward. She looked at her with dismay. Thor approached and kissed her hand. Shocked, she bowed to the King, turned and left. She ran through the castle and out as fast as she could. She ran through the city. She ran until she thought her legs would have to be amputated. She didn’t stop. She made it to the field with the old oak tree in it. She slowed her pace, collapsed under it and sobbed. She had not cried since her father had passed. And it had taken her a month to realize he was really gone and that he was never coming home. She rarely ever lost her reserve. But she had never expected such a thing. It had never been a secret, not even to the royal family that she and Loki were attached at the hip. Why Thor? Everyone knew that she only tolerated Thor. And it was all for Loki. If it wasn’t for him she would have given Thor a piece of her mind years ago. Yet here she was, the mighty warrior, crying underneath the tree she had loved in childhood.
She stayed there all night, looking at the stars. She felt so numb inside. She remembered all the nights Loki snuck out of the palace and sat underneath these same stars with her. And several times her father had caught them and laughed. The thought made her want to cry once more. She stared at the sky, all night into the sunrise trying to come to terms with this fate. But she could not. The warrior inside her would not allow it.
“You’ve been out here all night. You ran out with such haste. Everyone is worried about you. The Allfather even asked if he had said something wrong or out of turn. Do you know what shame you bring on our house?”
“It is you who have brought shame mother. On my father’s name and memory.”
“I have secured your place on the throne!”
“A throne I never wanted.”
“You think that being with that good for nothing Loki would have made your life all that you have dreamed? You can have anything you want now!”
“Except the only thing I have ever wanted!” she shouted. She finally stood and looked her mother in the eye, “You have shamed my father! I was with him as he lay dying from injuries of war! He told me that he didn’t want me to make the same mistakes you two made! He said that he wanted his only daughter to be happy!”
“Is he not handsome? Is he not wealthy? Is he not going to be King? Is he not brave?”
“Yes he is all of those things!”
“Then what is the problem?”
“I do not love him!” she cried. Tears streamed down her face.
“You will learn to.”
“No I will not! I will be by his side, forever looking at his brother, wanting what I cannot have. What kind of life is that?”
“You shall be Queen!”
“I don’t want to be Queen! To hell with all of them! I don’t want this!”
“You have no choice!” Her mother turned, angrily, “You will do as you have been told. And you will go to Thor’s coronation in a weeks time and stand there as his fiance. If you try to disobey me you will be disowned from the family forever.”
Loki sat in his room disbelieving what had really happened. His father had done many things to him in his lifetime but he never thought he would do something like this. He gave the woman he loved to another. And not just anyone. His brother. His brother, who did not even deserve to breathe the same air she did. He did not deserve her company let alone her bed. Her life. He became ill as he thought of Thor touching her, smelling her hair. Rutting into her. He would never worship her body like he would, know every crevice intimately. He would become bored with her as soon as she gave him a son and he would move on to his whores. And perhaps she would even take a lover. Perhaps it would be him. But he could not bear the thought of sharing her.
Loki did not try to see her. Not until the day of Thor’s coronation. He came to her home and into her room as he always did. He sat on her bed as she changed into a different dress that her mother had bought for her. It was red, a deep blood red that she hated. It made her look even paler than normal. She looked at him in the mirror. He looked tired. But then again, so did she.
“Do you like my dress?” she asked. She almost choked on the words as she pushed back a sob.
“Shouldn’t you ask your future husband that?”
“I don’t want his opinion. I want your opinion.”
“What you brother-in-laws opinion?” She turned to him. She could see the anger and sorrow in his face. His face softened as he saw her face. She held back the tears as she looked at him. He clasped his hands in his lap.
“You are not my brother yet. Nor shall I ever consider you such.”
“Be careful Lady Sigyn. You border on treachery.”
“Do you feel nothing when you look at me?”
“You are marrying my brother!” His voice was strained.
“But I am not married to him yet. Does your heart not break when you look at me?” He looked away and paced around the room once.
“It does,” he whispered, nearly a croak. He turned to her with sadness in his eyes. She almost cried right there and then. He walked closer to her, slowly. He looked down, hesitantly.
“It looks beautiful on you. Like they always do,” he whispered. He slowly reached his hand towards her hair. He hesitantly ran his fingers through her hair and stared at her.
“I cannot do this Loki.”
“I’m afraid you don’t have a choice.”
“Is there nothing you can say to your father?” She wanted a way out of this. Anyway she could find. She would do what needed to be done to be with Loki.
“He would merely think that I am jealous of Thor and want what he has. He would never listen to me.”
“Then I shall speak with him myself. There has to be a way out of this.”
“I’ve covered every angle, every way I can think of is a dead end Sigyn.”
“Then I will run away.”
“Do not. I beg you I could not.... I could not bear it if we were parted.”
“I cannot marry your brother! You know how I feel-”
“Do not make this worse on us than it has to be!” He could feel himself choking on his words. It was the hardest thing he had ever had to say.
“Then you don’t feel how I feel?” Her throat closed.
“I didn’t say that,” he sighed. He strolled over slowly and kissed her hand lightly.
“I shall see you at the coronation.” He looked so distraught and she grasped his hand slowly and he looked back at her.
“Please don’t leave me.”
“I will always be here for you.... sister.” He bowed and then released her hand. As he left the room he broke her heart. She could not live being his sister.
Loki approached his brother before the coronation. He couldn’t deny his mixed feelings. He was proud of Thor and loved him more than words could say. Yet he was arrogant, reckless, and stupid. And he was marrying the love of his life. The girl he had dreamed about since he was a child. When he had been a teen he had written poetry in the back of a book about her and hidden it away, fearing that she would read it and see her name.
“Nervous brother?”
“Have you ever known me to be nervous?”
“There was the time in Nornheim...”
“ That wasn't nerves, brother. It was the rage of battle. How else could I have fought my way through a hundred warriors and pulled us out alive?” A servant approached with a goblet of wine. Loki recalled that day very differently. If it hadn’t been for Sigyn they both would have been dead about fifty times over. Her and her damned warrior skills.
“As I recall, I was the one who veiled us in smoke to ease our escape.”
“Some do battle, others just do tricks.” The servant stifled a laugh. Loki noticed and did not like the response he received. He gestured the hand towards the goblet. Eels poured out of the goblet, slithering across the terrified servants hand. He screamed and threw the goblet to the floor. Loki chuckled. He could hear Sigyn laughing now at his trick, trying to tell him how horrid he was as she failed to hide her laughter.
“Loki.” Loki gestured to the eels and they disappeared almost as soon as they had appeared.
“Now that was just a waste of good wine.”
“Bit of fun,” Loki addressed the attendant. He looked wearily at his Prince. He wasn’t so sure that it had only been that. Thor donned his eagle helmet.
“Nice feathers.”
“You don’t really want to start this again, do you Cow?”
“I was being sincere!”
“You are incapable of sincerity.” He remembered the day Sigyn said that. It stung in his chest as he remembered how upset she had been. And Thor had heard the whole thing.
“Am I? I’ve looked forward to this day as long as you have. You’re my brother, and you’re my friend. Sometimes I’m envious, but never doubt that I love you.” He truly meant that. He wanted Thor to know that before all of the terrible things happened.
“Thank you brother.”
“Give us a kiss.”
“Stop,” Thor grinned. He made a few last adjustments.
“How do I look?”
“Like a King,” he said, trying to hide the sadness in his voice. A king who was going to marry Sigyn. They could hear the ceremonial horn blare.
“It’s time.” Loki casted him a wary look.
“I’ll be along. Go on.” Loki hesitated, but went ahead of him anyway.
She stood in between Loki and Sif as she watched Thor and all his arrogance walk down the long hall towards the throne. The people cheered and cried out in excitement but she and Loki remained solemn. She looked at him from the corner of her gaze but he did not look back at her. He didn’t want them to be in more trouble than they probably already were. Odin probably already knew of their secrets. And if he did not he would soon enough for secrets never escaped his notice for long. Thor finally made it to the end of the hall, all joy.
“Thor Odinson, do you swear to guard the Nine Realms?”
“I swear.”
“Do you swear to preserve the peace?”
“I swear!” He cried louder.
“Do you swear to cast aside all selfish ambition and pledge yourself only to the good of all the Realms?”
“I swear!” He shouted, even louder still. She had forgotten how loud and obnoxious he could get. She looked at Loki for anything. He looked down with an even sadder gaze. But his eyes also looked like he was waiting for something. As though he figured something out. She sincerely hoped that he had, but he would not look at her, not giving her a reason to hope.
“Then on this day, I, Odin Allfather, proclaim you-” he hesitated. She looked up to see ice creeping up the banners of the halls.
“Frost giants.” Within moments Odin, Thor, and Loki were rushing towards the relics hall. She stayed behind, knowing she was not needed. But she had a sinking feeling she knew how those Frost Giants snuck inside the walls.
She sat in the dining hall, praying Loki hadn’t done what she suspected him of doing. He was one for mischief. She had known that since we were children. He was a talented liar among other things. But he was rarely like that with her. He was different. Yet she wondered if he did this out of desperation.
Thor stormed in, throwing a table over in the process. She kept her eyes low and out of his sight. After he was done having his little fit he came down and and sat beside her. She pushed herself away a little further. She kept my eyes away from him.
“Do I displease you in some way Lady Sigyn?”
“You do not displease me. Nor do you please me, your majesty.”
“Am I not handsome enough? Or brave enough?”
“You are handsome and brave.”
“Then what troubles you?”
“I do not love you.” His eyes showed the same thing they always did.
“Not yet. But you shall.” She shook her head slowly, “Is there another?”
“I’m afraid there is. I have loved him all my life.” Loki walked through the side door and she stared at him as Thor looked at her. Loki stopped in the doorway. The way he was looking at her made him furious inside.
“Well he is no match for me.” She glared at him. Just like Thor to underestimate his own younger brother.
“And I suppose I’m supposed to fall in love with your arrogance?” She stood up and walked away. She looked at Loki as she left the room. She wanted anything but to be in Thor’s presence. She sat on one of the balconies Loki had shown her over the years. It wasn’t far from the rest of them so she could hear what was going on. She heard Loki telling Thor not to do something. She stood, knowing whatever was going to happen next was going to be foolish.
Loki looked nervously at her, as he did when he offended her as children. Thor had a large grin on his face and the others looked ready to go to battle. She tried to read Loki’s face but all she could read was, “What have I done. I’m so sorry. Please don’t look at me that way Sigyn I’ve tried to talk him out of it.”
“And what mischief is going on here?”
“We’re going to Jotunheim.” She looked at Loki’s weary face, knowing that he had accidentally given Thor the idea.
“Then I am going too.”
“You will not be going.”
“You may be my fiance, but you cannot boss me around quite yet Thor. I am going.” Loki shook his head, trying to tell her not to go. But her mind was already made up.
“I forbid you to come with us.”
“Please Sigyn listen to him,” Loki pleaded.
“If you do not let me come I will go straight to your father and tell him what mischief you are up to. I am going, whether you like it or not.” Loki sighed, his shoulders sunk down. He had given up on trying to convince her.
“You’re lucky I like your warriors spirit Sigyn,” Thor sighed. They rode through Asgard towards the Bifrost. She rode behind Loki. They finally got to Heimdall and they dismounted.
“You’re not dressed warmly enough.”
“I’m sorry?” Loki said nervously.
“You think you can deceive me?”
“You must be mistaken-”
“Silence!” Thor stepped forward and Loki looked down.
“Heimdall, may we pass?” Heimdall stared Thor down.
“For ages I have guarded Asgard and kept it safe from all those who would harm it. In all that time, never has an enemy slipped by my watch-- I wish to know how that happened.”
“Then tell no one where we’ve gone until we’ve returned,” Thor commanded as he walked past Heimdall. Volstagg walked past Loki who still looked frustrated.
“What happened? Your silvertongue turned to lead?”
“Get me off this bridge before it cracks under your girth.” They laughed as they passed by. She put her hand on his shoulder. He looked over at her, still frustrated, but grateful for her presence.
“Don’t listen to those oafs. They would not know a wash pan from a bedpan.” He smiled gratefully. They slowly walked past together.
“Be warned. I will honor my sworn oath to protect the Realm as its Gatekeeper. If your return threatens the safety of Asgard, Bifrost will remain closed to you. You’ll be left to die in the cold wastes of Jotunheim.”
“I have no plans to die today,” Thor said. She didn’t think he had plans to die anyday. If he could live forever to bask in his arrogance he would.
“None do,” Heimdall said. She had to stifle a laugh. They passed into the Bifrost and she looked at the desolate waste of Jotunheim. This was the world that they had been told of by their parents. She was weary about meeting the creatures that were told to children to make them fear the Realm of Jotunheim. She had no wish to be here but she knew that she couldn’t let Loki go with his imbecilic brother. She didn’t want him getting hurt for his brothers mistakes.
“Where are they?” Sif asked, a bit nervously.
“Hiding. Like cowards always do,” Thor replied.
“I don’t think it wise to insult them in their own territory,” Sigyn retorted. They started towards the central plaza, with Loki and Sigyn in tow. He looked just as nervous as she did.
“What business have you here Asgardian?”
“I speak only to your King. Not to his foot soldiers.”
“Then speak.” She could hear the voice. It sounded like cracking ice itself. She knew how unwise this was. She was glad that she had she weapons of choice strapped to her back. She felt the goosebumps run down her spine.
“I am Laufey, King of this Realm.”
“And I am-”
“We know who you are, Odinson. Why have you brought the stench of your blood into my world?”
“I demand answers.” Laufey stood up, sizing up Thor. She did not like the nerves she felt. She had fought over her lifetime, but never for something as trivial as answers.
“You ‘demand’?”
“How did your people get into Asgard?” He asked, angrily.
“The house of Odin is full of traitors.” Her blood froze. She looked at Loki for any sign that he did this. And when his gaze met hers she knew the truth.
“Do not dishonor my father’s name with your lies,” Thor spat.
“Your father is a murderer and a thief. He stole what was ours, and left our world in ruins. We have the right to reclaim the Casket.”
“Not when you use it to make war against other Realms.” Laufey laughed a cold laugh. She knew what hypocrisy Thor spoke with. He did not even hear it himself.
“And why have you come here? To make peace? You long for battle. You crave it. I see you for what you are, Thor Odinson. Nothing but a boy, trying to prove himself a man.” Suddenly, she felt an odd amount of respect towards this Frost Giant. He had said what she had been thinking for so long, all of her life really. If it was appropriate to embrace a Frost Giant King, she would have done so.
“This boy has grown tired of your mockery.” Thor stepped towards Laufey, two Frost Giants stepping towards Thor. Loki moved next to his brother to try to implore him.
“Thor, stop and think. Look around you. We are outnumbered.”
“Know your place, Brother...”
“You should listen to his counsel. You know not what you actions would unleash. But I do. Go now while I still allow it.” Thors rage was barely kept dormant.
“We will accept your most gracious offer,” Loki spoke up. She was grateful that someone in the family had any sense.
“Run back home little Princess.”
“Damn,” Loki breathed. Thor turned with his hammer and knocked the Jotun out of the plaza. Sigyn reluctantly drew her shield as all the others drew their weapons as well. She could not hear anything but Frost Giant cries as she started to fend them off. After smashing her way through Frost Giants she saw Loki on the edge of the cliff.
“Loki!” she cried as a Frost Giant lunged for him. But the image of him disappeared and the Frost Giant fell. He appeared behind her, stabbing a Frost Giant with a dagger.
“I can’t believe you fell for that again Sigyn.”
“I can’t believe it either.” Loki’s ungloved hand was turning blue and she looked at him. He looked more confused than she did. While the Frost Giant was distracted Loki kicked him away and she smashed another in the face.
“Thor, we must go!” Loki cried.
“Then go!” She could not believe that after all of this he was still so arrogant.
“There are too many of them,” Sif yelled.
“I can stop them!”
“Thor!” Sif yelled again. Suddenly Odin descended from the sky.
“Laufey, end this.”
“Your boy sought this out.” Well there was certainly no denying that. The Frost Giants were clearly within their rights. A Prince and his friends had invaded their homeland, uninvited. They had even given them a chance to leave peacefully but Thor had attacked instead. They had invited war. Sigyn knew what would follow.
“You’re right. These are the actions of a boy. Treat them as such. You and I can stop this before there is further bloodshed.”
“We are beyond diplomacy now, Allfather. He’ll get what he came here for: war and death.” Odin’s face was grim.
“So be it.” Laufey swung an ice dagger but the Allfather was too quick. All of the Jotuns fell back. They were soon all at Heimdall’s watch once again. Thor and Loki were taken with the Allfather as the others were left behind. She walked through the palace. She finally stopped in the relics, walking through as she had as a child. She knew Odin could feel her there, but she had run through there often as a child. She sat quietly on one of the steps, waiting to hear whatever news she could. The silence in the room was nothing like it had been when she was a child. It had been loud with Loki and her running around. She could still almost hear the echo of little feet, the laughter resounding through the hall. She could hear his young voice call her name in joy. She heard slow, delilberate steps as someone descended down the stairs. She did not turn around, she knew who it was. And by the time Loki sat down next to her she was completely certain.
“Tell me you didn’t let those Jotun into Asgard.”
“I didn’t.” She grew weary of his lying.
“Tell me the truth.”
“You didn’t tell me to tell you the truth. You said ‘tell me you didn’t let those Jotun into Asgard’. I gave you exactly what you wanted.”
“The truth Loki!” He continued to face forward, not looking her in the eyes.
“I did.”
“Why? You have always been one for mischief but this is treason!”
“Because I just wanted to postpone Thor’s idiotic reign for a while longer. I didn’t think he’d get banished. I didn’t even think we would make it to the gates of Jotunheim.”
“You told the guard.” She was actually surprised.
“If he had been faster Thor wouldn’t be in this mess.”
“You saved our lives you know.”
“Well, not yours. You were fighting them off on your own. You didn’t even need our help.”
“I told you long ago. They are top heavy.” He smiled.
“Do you forgive me?” She looked in his eyes and thought for a moment about if she did or not. He had bought her time to get out of the engagement, but not in an honorable way.
“It depends on if you had any other ulterior motives.”
“I honestly didn’t want Thor to be banished. But I was hoping that Father realizing that he was still just a child he would see fit to set you free. I can’t be blamed for hoping can I?” He was very quiet. She knew he regretted it.
“Do you regret it?”
“In some ways. I never wanted Thor to be banished. The thought never even crossed my mind. I feel guilty that I caused that. But I’m glad that he might actually learn a lesson of some kind. And I’m glad.....” He became silent. He looked at the ground, leaning forward more.
“About?”
“I’m glad that he can’t touch you while he’s gone.” His face looked angry.
“He wouldn’t be able to touch me when he's here. I will never allow him to.”
“When you marry him, you will have to.”
“Please, Loki. I do not wish to think on it.” She could feel the sob rise in her throat. She wished that Loki would promise to protect her, that Thor would never lay even a finger on her. But she knew that he would never go against his brother for her. He loved him too much to do something like that. And it killed her inside that he would never love her enough to fight his own brother from her hand.
“I’m sorry. I won’t mention it again.” He did not look her in the eyes. She turned away. She felt his hand softly touch hers. He wished that he could do something, anything. But he had done all he could do for the time being. He didn’t have any intentions of just giving her up to his brother but at the moment there weren’t many other options. He just had to bide time in order to figure something else out.
“I always thought my first time would be with you,” she whispered.
“You should not say such things,” he whispered back. She turned her head towards him, their faces inches away. She drew in a shaky breath as she looked in his eyes.
“But there’s nothing more mischievous than treachery.” She heard his breath quicken and there was a flicker in his eyes. His eyes shifted from hers to her mouth in an instant but he looked away.
“Never was a truer sentence uttered,” he mumbled. He could almost feel his pants tighten at her obvious suggestion. He had thought of it. He had thought of defying his father and running away to marry her, make it completely official. But they would be branded traitors. They would not be able to live on Asgard any longer and he could not think of anywhere else they could go and survive very long. Yet he knew how it would end if he let Thor marry her. They would marry and she would cry through her wedding night as he raped her, perhaps more than once. She would live solemnly, waiting for him to decide when he needed her. She would never be allowed to battle. She would become Queen. He would become bored with her. She would move closer and closer to him again and they would become lovers. They would be together whenever possible. And they would be caught. Their second or third child would have dark hair and they would be caught. And she would be executed. He would be thrown into prison, not that it would matter to him at that point. And the child-
“I think you should retire before we say or do anything more that we regret Sigyn.” She waited to see if he would change his mind but his eyes remained unrelenting. She sighed and looked away.
“It has been a long day. I should head home anyways. But I will be back in the morning to check on you.” She put her hand on his knee and slowly stood up, heading back towards the door. She hesitated, but he stayed where he was. She shut the door behind her and sighed.
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